Left hooker
Well-known member
An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said: "Father, during World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighbourhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic."
The priest replied: "That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that."
"There is more to tell, Father. She started to repay me with sexual favours. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays.'
The priest said: "That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger, but two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."
"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. I do have one more question."
"And what is that?" asked the priest.
"Should I tell her the war is over?"
The priest replied: "That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that."
"There is more to tell, Father. She started to repay me with sexual favours. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays.'
The priest said: "That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger, but two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."
"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. I do have one more question."
"And what is that?" asked the priest.
"Should I tell her the war is over?"
S
Smiffy
Well-known member
6
6feetdown
Well-known member
If easily offended look away
Furniss
Well-known member
I take issue with that
Bucket on wheels
Well-known member
A young sailor finds a young girl crying on the quay He asks what she's so sorry for she says she had saved for a long time And then someone stole her money that she had saved up to pay the ticket to New York with, and he says he can help her the ship He works on is sailing to New York early tomorrow and he can help her on board and hide her in a lifeboat, every day he brings food to her in the lifeboat and She pays him by giving him a good time, after 14 days at sea the Captain decides to inspect the lifeboats he finds the girl and asks what she does there, un kind sailor help her on board and hide her in the lifeboat so she could get to New York, the Captain then sadly explains to her that this is local fairy that goes 20 times a day across the Bergensfjord
diggerjones
Well-known member
Gecko
Well-known member
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Furniss
Well-known member
No my mum and dad did
Gecko
Well-known member
It's not your Mum and Dad I was thinking of.
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Furniss
Well-known member
My mates do call me Kevin but not whilst im biting a pillow .... its not my thing.
6
6feetdown
Well-known member
doobin
Well-known member
Where’s the ‘puke’ emoji?
doobin
Well-known member
The punchline works better the way I heard it.
So the girl explained to the captain, “The sailor hid me here and brings me food- and in return he’s screwing me”
“He certainly is love” replied the captain. “This is the Bergensford ferry!”
B
Brendan
Well-known member
A farmer stopped by the local garage to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.
On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint.
He then stopped by the market and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose.
However, struggling outside the market he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.
While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost.
She asked, “Can you tell me how to get to Church Lane” ?
The farmer said, well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to the lane I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot.
The old lady suggested, “why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?”
“Why thank you very much”, he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.
On the way he says “let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time”.
The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said,
“I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me... How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me”?
The farmer said, “Jesus lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?”
The old lady replied, “set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens”!!!
On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint.
He then stopped by the market and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose.
However, struggling outside the market he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.
While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost.
She asked, “Can you tell me how to get to Church Lane” ?
The farmer said, well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to the lane I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot.
The old lady suggested, “why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?”
“Why thank you very much”, he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.
On the way he says “let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time”.
The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said,
“I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me... How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me”?
The farmer said, “Jesus lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?”
The old lady replied, “set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens”!!!
6
6feetdown
Well-known member
Gecko
Well-known member
L
Lynchy
Well-known member
Lancs Lad
Well-known member
Let the fun begin...snowflakes watch out once trump returns
V8Druid
do it as well as you can,but learn to do it better
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