V8Druid
do it as well as you can,but learn to do it better
or a better piece of pipe
Bucket on wheels
Well-known member
Or hire this fella 
V8Druid
do it as well as you can,but learn to do it better
that's actually just a huge wheel .... he's 2m tall really
Left hooker
Well-known member
A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof. so he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "gorilla removers". He calls the number, and the gorilla remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The gorilla remover arrives, and gets out of his van. he's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.
"What are you going to do?" the homeowner asks.
"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then i'm going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this baseball bat. When the gorilla falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let it go. The gorilla will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."
So the guy puts the ladder up, gets the bat and the shotgun and walks towards the ladder. As he gets to the base of the ladder, he hands the shotgun to the homeowner.
"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.
"If the gorilla knocks me off the roof, shoot the damn dog!"
"What are you going to do?" the homeowner asks.
"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then i'm going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this baseball bat. When the gorilla falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let it go. The gorilla will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."
So the guy puts the ladder up, gets the bat and the shotgun and walks towards the ladder. As he gets to the base of the ladder, he hands the shotgun to the homeowner.
"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.
"If the gorilla knocks me off the roof, shoot the damn dog!"
Left hooker
Well-known member
An air traffic control tower suddenly lost communications with a small twin engine aircraft.
A moment later the tower land line rang and was answered by one of the employees.
The passenger riding with the pilot who lost communications was on a mobile phone and yelled, "Mayday, mayday!! The pilot had an instant and fatal heart attack. I grabbed his phone out of his pocket and he had told me before we took off he had the tower on his speed dial memory. I am flying upside down at 18,000 feet and travelling at 180 knots. Mayday, mayday!!"
The employee in the tower put him on speaker phone immediately.
"Calm down, we acknowledge you and we will guide you down after a few questions. The first thing is not to panic, remain calm!!"
He began his series of questions.
Tower: "How do you know you are travelling at 18,000 feet??"
Aircraft: "I can see that it reads 18,000 feet on the dials in front of me."
Tower: "Okay, that is good, remain calm. How do you know you are travelling at 180 knots??"
Aircraft: "I can see that it reads 180 knots on the dials in front of me."
Tower: "Okay, that is good. How do you know you're flying upside down??"
Aircraft: "Because the s**t in my pants is sliding out of my collar."
A moment later the tower land line rang and was answered by one of the employees.
The passenger riding with the pilot who lost communications was on a mobile phone and yelled, "Mayday, mayday!! The pilot had an instant and fatal heart attack. I grabbed his phone out of his pocket and he had told me before we took off he had the tower on his speed dial memory. I am flying upside down at 18,000 feet and travelling at 180 knots. Mayday, mayday!!"
The employee in the tower put him on speaker phone immediately.
"Calm down, we acknowledge you and we will guide you down after a few questions. The first thing is not to panic, remain calm!!"
He began his series of questions.
Tower: "How do you know you are travelling at 18,000 feet??"
Aircraft: "I can see that it reads 18,000 feet on the dials in front of me."
Tower: "Okay, that is good, remain calm. How do you know you are travelling at 180 knots??"
Aircraft: "I can see that it reads 180 knots on the dials in front of me."
Tower: "Okay, that is good. How do you know you're flying upside down??"
Aircraft: "Because the s**t in my pants is sliding out of my collar."
Left hooker
Well-known member
A Woodridge girl goes to Centre-link to register for child benefit.
"How many children?" asks the assessor.
"10," replies the Woodridge girl.
"10?" says the council worker. "What are their names?"
"Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne."
"Doesn't that get confusing?"
"Nah," says the Woodridge girl. "Its great, because if they are out playing in the street I just have to shout, 'WAYNE, YA DINNER'S READY' or 'WAYNE, GO TO BED NOW' and they all do it."
"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed council worker.
"That's easy," says the Woodridge girl, "I just use their surnames."
"How many children?" asks the assessor.
"10," replies the Woodridge girl.
"10?" says the council worker. "What are their names?"
"Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne."
"Doesn't that get confusing?"
"Nah," says the Woodridge girl. "Its great, because if they are out playing in the street I just have to shout, 'WAYNE, YA DINNER'S READY' or 'WAYNE, GO TO BED NOW' and they all do it."
"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed council worker.
"That's easy," says the Woodridge girl, "I just use their surnames."
Left hooker
Well-known member
pettsy
Well-known member
And there’s no way that’s 750mm deep 
Gecko
Well-known member
I assume it's just a water pipe (?)
Judging by the imprints left by the tracks, the ground must be very soft.
For farm work, we use a ripper with a pipe feeder behind a tractor.
You lay the pipe in a single pass and run a tyre over to press it back in.
Judging by the imprints left by the tracks, the ground must be very soft.
For farm work, we use a ripper with a pipe feeder behind a tractor.
You lay the pipe in a single pass and run a tyre over to press it back in.
diggerjones
Well-known member
It looks like one of those tarmac wheel cutters
Routy56
Well-known member
That pipe can only be done like that by horsey people (unless it's an April fool video)
The trouble is in a few years time it will be dug up by someone like me.......
........"Bodge It and Scarper" is all well and good if you can remember where you laid the pipe
The trouble is in a few years time it will be dug up by someone like me.......
........"Bodge It and Scarper" is all well and good if you can remember where you laid the pipe
Gecko
Well-known member
What is it with "horsey people"
An electricity cable which ran beneath the parade ring has since been disconnected and removed.
Newbury horses were electrocuted
Two horses who died at Newbury racecourse were accidentally electrocuted.
www.bbc.com
Flying Torquewrench
Active member
Not sure if I need to laugh or cry! We are creating a whole generation who are unable to deal with anything.
Gecko
Well-known member
I found maths distressing, but I don't think a "content warning" would have helped
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Vinpetrol
Well-known member
I fancied my maths teacher , made it a lot less distressing
Mogman
What man as done, man can do, what never has,maybe
B
Brendan
Well-known member
all the teachers at mine, were rough as a badgers....
Left hooker
Well-known member
Left hooker
Well-known member
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