I challenge you to make me laugh.

6

6feetdown

Well-known member
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sfrs4

sfrs4

Well-known member
pettsy said:
Reminds me of this one 🤣

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Reminds me of the one about a bloke a got pulled over for speeding, policeman asks him for licence, man replies he hasn't got one, then policeman asks if he's had anything to drink, man replies yes, a few earlier after work, other policeman asks if he can check around the car, man replies I'd rather you didn't check the boot, now suspicious policeman asks why, man replies, my partners dead body is in there, first policeman calls the station and asks for senior officer and SOCO to attend asap as they need help with something serious, a driver who was speeding, no licence says he's been drinking and says he has a body in the boot, nervous in case they contaminate a crime scene they take driver to their police car to wait.
When the senior officer and SOCO arrives, he asks the man to repeat what he told the two officers, the man looks at the senior officer and says, what? I haven't said anything? these two just pulled me over and put me in the car? my officers said you said there was a dead body in the boot....? what? go and check yourself says the man, the senior officer goes to the boot and finds nothing, when he speaks to the man again he asks why they have done this, he shrugs and says he doesn't know, I suppose they said I've been drinking as well? The senior officer pulls out a breath test and tests the man who blows 0 alcohol....they also said you didn't have a licence, man pulls his licence out of his wallet, what this one? I'll bet they said I was speeding as well........
 
V8Druid

V8Druid

do it as well as you can,but learn to do it better
sfrs4 said:
Reminds me of the one about a bloke a got pulled over for speeding, policeman asks him for licence, man replies he hasn't got one, then policeman asks if he's had anything to drink, man replies yes, a few earlier after work, other policeman asks if he can check around the car, man replies I'd rather you didn't check the boot, now suspicious policeman asks why, man replies, my partners dead body is in there, first policeman calls the station and asks for senior officer and SOCO to attend asap as they need help with something serious, a driver who was speeding, no licence says he's been drinking and says he has a body in the boot, nervous in case they contaminate a crime scene they take driver to their police car to wait.
When the senior officer and SOCO arrives, he asks the man to repeat what he told the two officers, the man looks at the senior officer and says, what? I haven't said anything? these two just pulled me over and put me in the car? my officers said you said there was a dead body in the boot....? what? go and check yourself says the man, the senior officer goes to the boot and finds nothing, when he speaks to the man again he asks why they have done this, he shrugs and says he doesn't know, I suppose they said I've been drinking as well? The senior officer pulls out a breath test and tests the man who blows 0 alcohol....they also said you didn't have a licence, man pulls his licence out of his wallet, what this one? I'll bet they said I was speeding as well........
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Reminds me of a funny story the old man related maaaany moons ago - (they were running Triumph 2.5Pi,s to give you an idea)
had just started a night shift and out on what was the A40 Aber to Raglan road which has a few interesting bends ... in the distance he could see a set of headlights coming at him - at speed - met the vehicle half on his side of the road on 'the Clytha cut bend and had to take to the scenery to surrender half of his side of the road to avoid a head on
Spun it 'round and went after the guy - in a DB5 - pushing it on obviously unfamiliar roads ... took him a couple of miles to get the guy to stop ....
eventually walks up to the guy's window and asks if he realised what sorts of speeds he was doing, particularly when he ran him off the road on the Clytha bend?
no apologies -
He's greeted by "Officer, do you realise that I'm a member of 'the British racing team' ?? " :oops::ROFLMAO:
" Sir, on 'my track', the cars go both ways!! -
Your breath wreaks of whiskey, I'm of the opinion that you're intoxicated.
Lock your vehicle up and join my colleague (who was p*ssing himself laughing, out of sight) and I in our vehicle and we'll take a ride to the station for a blood test " :giggle:
 
Gecko

Gecko

Well-known member
This "letter" has circulated the internet for 25 years. It's probably a load of BS, but despite that, I defy you to read it without a little sympathy (deserved or not).



The letter is going to his sister and he is a commercial diver for Global Divers out of Louisiana. I'm sorry but his experience should not be in vain. I must share this with the world. Excuse the language and forward as you feel appropriate. Anytime you think you have had a bad day at the office, remember this letter . . . True story.


April, 1998


Hi Sue,Just another note from your bottom dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this:


We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of s**t sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temp. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a damn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is I take the hose and stuff it down the back of my neck. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a jacuzzi.


Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my ass started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my ass started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened to me. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit.


This is even worse than the poison ivy I once had under a cast. Now I had that hose down my back. I don't have any hair on my back, so the jellyfish couldn't get stuck to my back. My ass crack was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into my ass. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the comms. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he along with 5 other divers were laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make 3 agonizing water stops totaling 35 minutes before I could come to the surface.


I got to the surface wearing nothing but my brass helmet. My suit and gear were tied to the bell. When I got on board the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to shove it up my ass when I get in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't s**t for two days because my asshole was swollen shut. I later found out that this could easily have been prevented if the suction hose was placed on the leeward side of the ship.


Anyway, the next time you have a bad day at the office, think of me. Think about how much worse your day would be if you were to shove a jellyfish up your ass. I hope you have no bad days at the office. But if you do, I hope that thought will make it a little more tolerable. Take care, and I hope to hear from you soon.


Love,Brian
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6

6feetdown

Well-known member
Lancs Lad said:
solid law abiding bunch..

www.linkedin.com

#roadsafety #applebyfair | Jack Stabler

✅ Appleby Fair 2025 - Complete! 🚓 This year, we extended and repeated our ‘Intercept Team’ activity in order to mitigate threat, harm and risk away from the fair itself. This coincided with our wider Vision Zero strategy too. 🤝 This couldn’t have been achieved without our key partners such...
www.linkedin.com www.linkedin.com
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68 vehicle seizures
 
V8Druid

V8Druid

do it as well as you can,but learn to do it better
6feetdown said:
68 vehicle seizures
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❌ 73 arrests (53 for OPL offences)
✍🏻 220 Traffic Offence Reports
🪝 68 Vehicle Seizures
🚐 399 Notice of intended prosecution’s from our Safety Camera Van

bloody excellent ... and ANPR will have them on the hit list UK wide ... possible 400 further vehicle seizures :cool:
 
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