Bucket on wheels
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Gecko
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Furniss
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I done a bit of that high siding, you never forget it ....the silence seems to last forever 
maz
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My brother came down a back alley behind a chip shop, didn't realise it was full of oil and pulled onto the main street in the city centre in height of summer, saw his mate sitting outside a cafe with a few hundred other folk and thought he would give it a bit of vroom, oily tyre caused it to high side, tank slapper, mid air hand stand on his ducati. Came off the bike, somehow managed to pick it up and ran behind a transit to hide from the mobile phones all getting pulled out. plonker trying to show offI done a bit of that high siding, you never forget it ....the silence seems to last forever
fortunately only his ego bruised. His mate said it was the funniest thing he ever saw.
V8Druid
do it as well as you can,but learn to do it better
PMSLMy brother came down a back alley behind a chip shop, didn't realise it was full of oil and pulled onto the main street in the city centre in height of summer, saw his mate sitting outside a cafe with a few hundred other folk and thought he would give it a bit of vroom, oily tyre caused it to high side, tank slapper, mid air hand stand on his ducati. Came off the bike, somehow managed to pick it up and ran behind a transit to hide from the mobile phones all getting pulled out. plonker trying to show off
only ever had one tank slapper on my Kawi thou shafty, on a tar line and not going that fast
.... brown trousers time .... luckily i'd been reading about how to recover it, a few weeks earlier in 'Bike' (remember that one) and threw myself over the bars, chin on front muddy and it straightened up a treat ... then took five to recover my composure
Bri963
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Used to have one like that under the bed.
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Brendan
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Lynchy
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Left hooker
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Left hooker
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I don’t think I’ve ever heard the concept explained any better than this .
‘Well you see, it’s like this . . . A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.
This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.
Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
And that, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.’
‘Well you see, it’s like this . . . A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.
This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.
Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
And that, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.’
Left hooker
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Maxus
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Experts warn swimming rats are sneaking up toilets to invade homes
Pet control experts say that there's a huge increase in the rat population
My favourite quote:
“People are scared and they should be. There are more rats than ever and they are taking over. I have seen some the size of cats.”
6
6feetdown
Well-known member
Always had this thing of sitting on the throne and a rat coming up and biting me on the arse.Experts warn swimming rats are sneaking up toilets to invade homes
Pet control experts say that there's a huge increase in the rat populationwww.examinerlive.co.uk
My favourite quote:
“People are scared and they should be. There are more rats than ever and they are taking over. I have seen some the size of cats.”
I think it was after watching the series life of grime years ago!
pettsy
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bobthebuilder
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6feetdown
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Big bloody car, must be American 1 with a big trunk!
Left hooker
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Bill and his wife Blanche go to the state fair every year,
And every year Bill would say, " Blanche, I'd like to ride in that helicopter "
Blanche always replied, " I know Bill, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, And fifty bucks is fifty bucks! "
One year Bill and Blanche went to the fair, and Bill said, " Blanche, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance "
To this, Blanche replied,
" Bill that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks "
The pilot overheard the couple and said, " Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's fifty dollars. "
Bill and Blanche agreed and up they went.
The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard.
He did his daredevil tricks over and over again,
But still not a word...
When they landed, the pilot turned to Bill and said, " By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed! "
Bill replied, " Well, to tell you the truth I almost said something when Blanche fell out, But you know,
Fifty bucks is fifty bucks!
And every year Bill would say, " Blanche, I'd like to ride in that helicopter "
Blanche always replied, " I know Bill, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, And fifty bucks is fifty bucks! "
One year Bill and Blanche went to the fair, and Bill said, " Blanche, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance "
To this, Blanche replied,
" Bill that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks "
The pilot overheard the couple and said, " Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's fifty dollars. "
Bill and Blanche agreed and up they went.
The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard.
He did his daredevil tricks over and over again,
But still not a word...
When they landed, the pilot turned to Bill and said, " By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed! "
Bill replied, " Well, to tell you the truth I almost said something when Blanche fell out, But you know,
Fifty bucks is fifty bucks!
V8Druid
do it as well as you can,but learn to do it better
Left hooker
Well-known member
In the year 2020, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in Australia and said: "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.
Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying:
"You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.
Noah!," He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed."
"I needed a Building Permit."
"I've been arguing with the Boat Inspector about the need for a sprinkler system."
"My neighbours claim that I've violated the Neighbourhood Bye-Laws by building the Ark in my back garden and exceeding the height limitations.
We had to go to the Local Planning Committee for a decision."
"Then the Local Council and the Electricity Company demanded a shed load of money for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea.
I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it."
"Getting the wood was another problem.
There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the Greater Spotted Barn Owl."
"I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!"
"When I started gathering the animals the RSPCA took me to court.
They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will.
They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space."
"Then the Australian Environmental Agency ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood."
"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building gang."
"Immigration are checking the Visa status of most of the people who want to work."
"The trades unions say I can't use my sons.
They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience."
"To make matters worse, the Inland Revenue seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species."
"So, forgive me, Lord, but it will take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."
"Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky."
Noah looked up in wonder and asked,
"You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord.
" The Government beat me to it."
Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying:
"You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.
Noah!," He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed."
"I needed a Building Permit."
"I've been arguing with the Boat Inspector about the need for a sprinkler system."
"My neighbours claim that I've violated the Neighbourhood Bye-Laws by building the Ark in my back garden and exceeding the height limitations.
We had to go to the Local Planning Committee for a decision."
"Then the Local Council and the Electricity Company demanded a shed load of money for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea.
I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it."
"Getting the wood was another problem.
There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the Greater Spotted Barn Owl."
"I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!"
"When I started gathering the animals the RSPCA took me to court.
They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will.
They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space."
"Then the Australian Environmental Agency ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood."
"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building gang."
"Immigration are checking the Visa status of most of the people who want to work."
"The trades unions say I can't use my sons.
They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience."
"To make matters worse, the Inland Revenue seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species."
"So, forgive me, Lord, but it will take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."
"Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky."
Noah looked up in wonder and asked,
"You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord.
" The Government beat me to it."
Bob
Well-known member
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