6
6feetdown
Well-known member
Sign me up may have to have few sessions as I'm slow learning
6
6feetdown
Well-known member
Room 69?
V8Druid
do it as well as you can,but learn to do it better
A man walks into a bar with his monkey. They sit at the bar and the man orders them each a beer.
Pretty soon the man has to relieve himself and go to the rest room. He gets the attention of the barkeep and motions to his monkey and says, “While I’m gone, if he needs a beer, go ahead and give him one on my tab, but please, not matter what he does, don’t give him any hard liquor. You really don’t want to give him hard liquor.”
The barkeep nods in approval.
Of course as soon as the monkey’s owner leaves, another patron who heard the conversation says, “Bartender, if you set that monkey up with a double shot of Jack, there’s a good tip in it for you!”
Again, the barkeep nods in approval. As he sets the double Jack down in front of the monkey, the monkey starts smiling ear to ear and immediately downs the Jack Daniels.
Almost as immediately, the monkey shoots up from his barstool and runs up and down the bar spilling drinks and throwing bowls of peanuts and ashtrays full of butts into the air. He then jumps up and swings from hanging lamp to hanging lamp avoiding anyone trying to catch him.
Finally he drops from lamps onto the pool table where he grabs the cue ball on the table and swallows it whole.
The man returns from the restroom and sees the mess and knows that someone gave the monkey hard liquor. The barkeep admits responsibility and says, “He swallowed our cue ball!”
The man takes his drunken monkey home.
A few weeks later the man and his monkey return to the bar and the same barkeep is again there. Again, the man orders himself and his monkey each a beer. The monkey reaches over and picks up a peanut, sticks it in his ass, and then eats it.
The bartender says, “What the hell!! That’s disgusting. Why did he do that?”
“After the cue ball incident,” the man replies, “he checks everything”.
Pretty soon the man has to relieve himself and go to the rest room. He gets the attention of the barkeep and motions to his monkey and says, “While I’m gone, if he needs a beer, go ahead and give him one on my tab, but please, not matter what he does, don’t give him any hard liquor. You really don’t want to give him hard liquor.”
The barkeep nods in approval.
Of course as soon as the monkey’s owner leaves, another patron who heard the conversation says, “Bartender, if you set that monkey up with a double shot of Jack, there’s a good tip in it for you!”
Again, the barkeep nods in approval. As he sets the double Jack down in front of the monkey, the monkey starts smiling ear to ear and immediately downs the Jack Daniels.
Almost as immediately, the monkey shoots up from his barstool and runs up and down the bar spilling drinks and throwing bowls of peanuts and ashtrays full of butts into the air. He then jumps up and swings from hanging lamp to hanging lamp avoiding anyone trying to catch him.
Finally he drops from lamps onto the pool table where he grabs the cue ball on the table and swallows it whole.
The man returns from the restroom and sees the mess and knows that someone gave the monkey hard liquor. The barkeep admits responsibility and says, “He swallowed our cue ball!”
The man takes his drunken monkey home.
A few weeks later the man and his monkey return to the bar and the same barkeep is again there. Again, the man orders himself and his monkey each a beer. The monkey reaches over and picks up a peanut, sticks it in his ass, and then eats it.
The bartender says, “What the hell!! That’s disgusting. Why did he do that?”
“After the cue ball incident,” the man replies, “he checks everything”.
Silversabre
Well-known member
Gecko
Well-known member
The BBC should know the difference between Immigration and Emigration.
They are not 'immigrants' if they are leaving.
They are not 'immigrants' if they are leaving.
V8Druid
do it as well as you can,but learn to do it better
should've given them a couple of grand and filled their trailers up
craig
Well-known member
They should learn to count, 32 immigrants plus 17 immigrants doesn't make 50
"Two Romanian nationals have been jailed for attempting to smuggle 50 migrants out of the UK in the back of lorries earlier this year."
"The NCA said Bajenaru had 17 migrants concealed in the rear of his Romanian-registered panel van, while Ivan had 32 people"
Just shows how rubbish this country is, the illegals are paying to get out
V8Druid
do it as well as you can,but learn to do it better
" A man finds a wallet with $7000 in it.
A few days later, he reads a notice stating that a wealthy man has lost his wallet and is offering a $500 reward to anyone who returns it.
He soon locates the owner and gives him the wallet, and the rich man counts the money and says, “I see you have already taken your reward.” The poor man responds,
“What are you talking about?” The wealthy man continues, “This wallet had $7500 in it when I lost it.”
The poor man replied “I am sorry sir but when I found it up it only had $7,000”
The two men began arguing, and eventually they end up in court to sort out their differences. Both men present their case, the poor man first, then the wealthy man who concludes by saying,
“Your Honor, I trust you believe me.”
The Judge says, “Of course.” The rich man smiles, and the poor man is devastated.
Then the Judge takes the wallet out of the wealthy man’s hands and gives it to the poor man who found it.
“What are you doing?” the rich man yells angrily. The Judge responds,
“You are, of course, an honest man, and if you say that your missing wallet had $7500 in it, I’m sure it did – but if the man who found this wallet is a liar and a thief, he wouldn’t have returned it at all, which means that this wallet must belong to somebody else. If that man steps forward, he’ll get the money – otherwise, it stays with the man who found it.”
“What about my money?” the rich man asks.
“Well, we’ll just have to wait until somebody finds your wallet with the $7500 in it. "
V8Druid
do it as well as you can,but learn to do it better
" Paddy and Mick are walking through a graveyard …
… in Ireland, after a few drinks.
Paddy starts reading the gravestones.
Mick, he says, you should look at this. A fella here who was 90 when he died.
Ah, who's that, says Mick.
Somebody called O'Toole from Kerry, he replies.
Mick says, ah, never mind him. There's a fella here called Murphy. He was 99 when he died. from Castletown of all places.
Well, that's nothing, says Paddy. What about what's written on this fella's stone, here, right beside the gate? The stone says, 147.
147? That's amazing, says Mick. Who was he?
Well, according to the stone, it's someone called Miles from Dublin. "
… in Ireland, after a few drinks.
Paddy starts reading the gravestones.
Mick, he says, you should look at this. A fella here who was 90 when he died.
Ah, who's that, says Mick.
Somebody called O'Toole from Kerry, he replies.
Mick says, ah, never mind him. There's a fella here called Murphy. He was 99 when he died. from Castletown of all places.
Well, that's nothing, says Paddy. What about what's written on this fella's stone, here, right beside the gate? The stone says, 147.
147? That's amazing, says Mick. Who was he?
Well, according to the stone, it's someone called Miles from Dublin. "
Lancs Lad
Well-known member
Or cry.
Are you kidding me?
www.bbc.co.uk
Are you kidding me?
Huntingdon train attacks suspect refuses to appear at court
Anthony Williams is accused of the attempted murders of 13 people.
www.bbc.co.uk
V8Druid
do it as well as you can,but learn to do it better
Hilti gun the tw*t's hands to a desk in front of a camera FFSOr cry.
Are you kidding me?
Huntingdon train attacks suspect refuses to appear at court
Anthony Williams is accused of the attempted murders of 13 people.
6
6feetdown
Well-known member
**** wants putting to sleepOr cry.
Are you kidding me?
Huntingdon train attacks suspect refuses to appear at court
Anthony Williams is accused of the attempted murders of 13 people.
V8Druid
do it as well as you can,but learn to do it better
there's a nun .......
… having a bath. She hears a knock on the door.
She's a bit worried. So she shouts out, “Who is it?” And he says, “It's the blind man.”
She says, “Well, come in.” And as he comes in, he says, “Nice t|ts. Where do you want the blinds?”
… having a bath. She hears a knock on the door.
She's a bit worried. So she shouts out, “Who is it?” And he says, “It's the blind man.”
She says, “Well, come in.” And as he comes in, he says, “Nice t|ts. Where do you want the blinds?”
pettsy
Well-known member
6
6feetdown
Well-known member
Here's mine let me know how much?
Attachments
Canal Navvy
Well-known member
@bobthebuilder has just the thing for those 
B
bobthebuilder
Well-known member
Only 2 cube@bobthebuilder has just the thing for those
Canal Navvy
Well-known member
Lovely bags
Vinpetrol
Well-known member
If carlsberg made air bags
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